My Child Isn’t Like That

Not far from where I’m sitting is a farm I’ve liked for years.

And I’m not the only person who’s had their eye on it.

Sadly, the original owner died a few years after his twin sons were born.

So his widowed wife kept it for the boys in case they showed an interest later on.

Her intuition was bang on.

As soon as the boys turned 16, they left school and rarely went outside the farmgate.

They worked like dogs and grew the farm into a very successful family business.

But what really stood was their watertight relationship. You couldn’t separate them with a crowbar.

Until…

One of the twins met a girl and she fell pregnant.

At first, everyone was happy about the new arrival.

But soon after, the family dynamics changed when some specific requests were made for their newborn son regarding the estate planning of the farm.

And that’s when the brothers had their first disagreement.

Unfortunately, things went from bad to worse and now the brothers haven’t spoken in nearly twenty years. Any communication must go through the family solicitor.

The really sad thing is, both of them are terrific guys. They smile easily, call a spade a spade, and almost fall out of their utes waving to you.

Heaven only knows what it must feel like for their mother. If only they could make amends.

Recently I met with a friend who insisted she didn’t need a will.

She argued they only have a house and some super so why bother.

I suggested it was selfish not to think of the implications for her children later on.

However, she reasoned her sons have always got along and not the type to fight.

The mother of the twins probably thought the same thing many moons ago too.

Here’s the thing…

It’s very common for siblings to fall-out around age forty. The reasons can be numerous, unforeseen, and often irrevocable.

Unfortunately, one of the most common reasons is the influence of a spouse.

To put it bluntly, the spouse usually loads the gun, and the sibling points it.

Ultimately, the problem boils down to entitlement.

Entitlement is a function of perception and perception has many shades of grey.

E.g. entitlement may be as simple as one sibling spending more time looking after a parent in aged care, or a parent spending more time supporting a particular sibling with their kids.

And then layered on top of entitlement is grief, which can change people (if only temporary) in the most unexpected ways.

Grief (loss) can make people irrational due to guilt, shame, regret, jealousy, resentment, depression, whatever.

In any case, when it comes to matters of the purse strings, especially estate planning, just remember this…

Money = feelings.

Have a great weekend!

Adam

Back paddock – hurt people, hurt people.