Gifting the Kids

The mother sitting in front of me is death staring her husband.

And every time she argues her case, he rolls his eyes.

Her blood is simmering like lava.

And then she spins and death stares me…

“WHAT DO YOU THINK?!”, she says through a forced smile.

When she finds out what I really think, she’ll walk for sure. Worse, she’ll think I’ve sided with her husband. Which I haven’t.

Here’s the problem…

They have two sons in their late twenties struggling to scrape up a deposit for a home.

Their eldest is a tradie earning good coin but continually hoses it up against the wall every week on crap like expensive servo food and a flashy wardrobe.

Their youngest is renting an upmarket city apartment with his partner who refuses to go without.

Meanwhile, Mum and Dad are at war with each other like east versus west. Mum wants to gift them some money, Dad doesn’t.

You see, when they first married, they didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of.

To get started, she worked double shifts as a midwife while he was out before dawn driving trucks.

Now they’re in their late fifties, house paid off, and they’ve got some spare cash.

But Mum doesn’t want her boys to experience the same hardships while Dad doesn’t want to ruin them with gifts.

In his opinion, grit maketh the man, gifts don’t.

And neither of them received an inheritance either.

However, their boys will enjoy a very handsome inheritance, something the husband constantly reminds his wife.

But there’s another thorn in Mum’s side. Both her siblings have already given their kids a head start and if she doesn’t do the same, she’ll feel like a failure.

(Side note – how often do you see siblings and friends compare children?!)

And this is where gifting becomes a very tricky intersection to negotiate.

One road is paved with love and good intentions.

The other with guilt, fear, regret, or even redemption.

I often speak with parents wrestling with this exact dilemma.

Most have already done plenty for their children – good upbringing, education, opportunity to live at home instead of renting, handouts for cars, and so on.

Some people won’t like hearing this, but we’re often generous for selfish reasons. i.e. how it makes us feel.

So here’s the real question – whose pain are you trying to relieve — yours or theirs?

If it’s yours, I’m not sure money is the answer.

The couple in front of me are warring over the same thing. They want to gift their children.

The only difference is, Mum wants to gift them money, Dad wants to gift them grit.

Have a great weekend!

Adam

Back paddock – to a child, love is spelt T.I.M.E.