My Child Has Lost Hope

Three weeks ago a mother asked if I had any advice for her twenty-five-year-old son who can’t save.

It came on the back of last months Moowsletter about the rental crisis.

Specifically, a lot of first home buyers have been bumped out of the market again and are losing hope. Some have given up on the idea of buying a house but worse, some have given up on themselves.

We all go through it at some point.

The very likeable young man on the end of the phone was no different. He earns good money, saves it, spends it, and then regrets it.

His story reminded me of a uni graduate working for me a few years back. She went to the gym nearly every lunchtime but couldn’t give up the smokes…and hated herself for it.

So I asked him the same questions I asked her.

Me: Imagine a mate organises drinks for next Wednesday night at 6pm. You’re sitting at the bar and by 6.30pm he hasn’t shown up. He’s not answering your calls. How are you feeling?

Him: A bit disappointed but also concerned for him.

Me: He calls you the next morning, very apologetic. He asks to meet again that evening and you agree but the same thing happens. No Show! How are you feeling?

Him: A bit peeved off because he promised to be there.

Me: It’s Friday morning and he calls you again, super apologetic! He gives you a bunch of excuses and then asks to meet again and you reluctantly agree. You’re convinced he won’t let you down again.

And then he does!

How are you feeling?

Him: I’m angry because I didn’t think one of my best mates would do this to me. But it’s Friday night so I pretend it’s ok.

Me: It’s Saturday morning and he calls you again! He gives you some more feeble excuses (work, girlfriend) and incredibly he offers to shout you lunch. You want to say ‘no’ but you also want to believe in him because he’s your best mate.

And then he does the unthinkable. He stands you up again!

How are you feeling now?

Him: I’m really peeved off and wondering why someone would keep treating their mates like this.

Me: Would you trust him again?

Him: I’d like to but deep down I probably wouldn’t.

Me: That’s what happens when we break self-promises such as promising to save our money but don’t.

The young man on the end of the phone went dead silent.

Here’s the scary bit. We do almost anything to keep a promise with someone else but not ourselves.

Now you might be thinking, who can’t save a deposit for a home?

Plenty! They’ve lost hope.

We all have our own vulnerabilities. It could be sweets, smokes, drinking, sleeping in, exercise, shyness, saving, whatever.

We all lose hope at some stage. No one’s impervious to this stuff.

The hour before sunrise is always the darkest and first home buyers will get their chance again.

But regardless of the markets, nothing builds deep, long-lasting, hope like keeping self-promises.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Adam