The couple sitting in front of me are drowning in shame.
I want to lean in and tell them, “It’s ok”, but it’d be pointless.
Her voice is racing, desperately clutching at excuses.
And he hasn’t uttered a word since shaking hands at the front door.
His eyes are trained on mine, unsure if he likes me or not.
But the hard truth is, he’s filthy with himself.
It’s our first meeting and the proud parents in their early 50s are wondering why they’re not further ahead.
They thought by now the mortgage would be paid off, they’d have more in super, and maybe even a couple of investment properties.
Instead, they feel like failures.
But they’re not.
What they’re experiencing is exactly what most families go through in their late 40s to early 50s.
Peak growing pains!
Maximum expenses, minimal spare cash.
It typically happens when children are in their teens, heading towards the end of high school.
Bigger mortgage. Higher school fees. Expensive sports. Extra-curriculars. And sometimes just one income.
Life feels like a financial treadmill – constantly running and juggling.
The problem is you eventually drift into…“Gee by now”.
“Gee by now I thought I’d have…more money, less stress, or just a better connection with my kids.”
But you don’t.
And if you’re not careful, it can get worse…
You start using the ‘c’ word.
Comparison.
Simply put, you compare your worst with other people’s best.
You do self-depreciating stuff like…
Scrolling through Facebook admiring other people’s perfect lives…forgetting they’ve probably filtered their photos.
Or you listen to others at dinner parties and assume NO ONE is exaggerating…even after a few drinks.
Instead, you just assume everyone is telling the truth and doing better than you.
But just because some others have everything that opens and shuts, it doesn’t mean they’re ahead.
It just means they’re probably up to their fake eyelashes in debt.
And that person who does have plenty and loves to talk about it? I’ll guarantee you there’s a dark corner of their lives they desperately dislike.
e.g. their convenient marriage, disconnected kids, failing health, whatever.
It’s one of the reasons they bang on about their money. To cover up the crap they hope you never find out about.
The couple in front of me are not behind.
They’re just humans in their late forties, early fifties, pedaling like crazy.
And they’re not alone.
But it’s so easy to forget this when you’re going through it.
Growing pains are normal and something to be proud of.
It’s a privilege not everyone gets to experience.
Own it. It’s ok.
Have a great weekend!
Adam
Back paddock – a happy life occurs not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships – Helen Keller
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