Walking Alone

A few weeks ago I caught up with an old mate of mine.

I’m embarrassed to admit it but it had been almost two years since we last shook hands. No particular reason other than life just goes that way sometimes. Work, family and other whatnot.

I fired off the first email in early February and he replied almost immediately. Most unusual.

Ostensibly he said he’d love to catch up to discuss his finances which was odd because we rarely spoke about money. It was always footy, family, footy, work, footy, current affairs, footy. Then repeat the cycle. A bit like having a beer with a washing machine only side-splittingly funny!

We agreed to meet at a pub in Balmain for a steak and a few brown lemonades and thank goodness I was sitting down when I asked how he’d been. In short, this guy had been to hell and back without a minute’s respite.

If the litany of health problems wasn’t enough, his personal challenges definitely were. It was gut wrenching.

Not surprisingly, I asked why he didn’t call. He said he didn’t want to bother anyone plus he wasn’t sure anyone would understand. I also sensed some embarrassment regarding his personal life. He felt like a failure. I then felt guilty for not contacting him sooner.

The Fog
As it turned out, his finances were a mess thanks to two years of emotional turmoil but nothing we couldn’t straightened out and square up in a few hours.

One of the first symptoms of someone in a state of overwhelm is they struggle to make the simplest of decisions. Poor sleep, bad diet, isolation and feeling irritable are other common signs.

I explained to him that until he cleared the fog, he didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of making the right decision about anything. Especially his finances. Decisions in that state are often irrational.

A Simple Truth
I also reminded him that other people’s lives always looked perfect and problem free when yours feels anything but. So I shared a simple truth I have believed for a long time…

Every. Single. Family. Has a story to tell.

That was his tipping point. A wall of water cascaded down his chubby cheeks and finally his big bull chest felt a lot lighter. Seriously, if two years of tears could have been turned into beers, we would have filled a dozen kegs that night I reckon.

Walking Alone
It would be easy for someone to say ‘typical male’ because apparently blokes never share their problems. I’m not so sure about that because all my experience suggests otherwise.

Business owners (male and female) are just as vulnerable. They don’t want to worry their spouses when things aren’t going well and feel embarrassed when their accountants see their books. So they bottle it up and walk alone.

Single parents are equally guilty, especially single Mum’s. To open up requires trust, but for many trust is a dirty word. Consequently, they forget how to balance tough with tender. Maybe they’re too used to putting up walls to protect themselves and the kids. I’d probably do the same.

Many single Dads go through the same experience.

The problem for many is it becomes easier to walk alone than open up. The danger is in trying to make rational decisions without a clear head. It rarely works and you need to talk. A problem shared is a problem halved.

To some, this message might seem painfully obvious. If on the other hand a few lights have come on, then chances are you’re walking alone.

What do you think? Leave your comment below.

The Back Paddock – one month ago, Detective Inspector Hans Rup retired from the NSW homicide squad. I reckon this bloke was destined to be a top cop from the beginning because if you split his surname his name becomes, Hans R Up.

I first met Hans fourteen years ago during an investigation. An intelligent and quietly spoken man with a heart the size of a watermelon.

Upon retiring, homicide squad commander, Mick Willing said, ”…every year Hans quietly rings the families of victims … on the ¬anniversary of their loved ones’ death and lets them know he is thinking of them”. (Source: The Daily Telegraph).

What a legacy to leave. I’ll bet you any money he continues to call them in retirement just to make sure they’re not walking alone.

Have a great week!

Adam